So this past week I have been reflecting a lot on my journey with the addict in my life, Mark. I have been struggling with my desire to have a “normal” life with a “normal” husband so that I can be happy. Basically, I have been thinking about what it would be like to leave. That thought made me go back and think of every moment, every step (right or wrong) that brought me this day, this point of “enough is enough.” Continue reading
While searching for the author of “I Am Your Disease,” I stumbled upon this beautiful poem. I am going to share this with my boyfriend. Often, in rehab, the addicts are asked to write a letter of farewell to their drug of choice. I would love to see them write a letter of introduction to their recovery.
I am your RECOVERY
I love life
I love beauty
I love joy
I love anyone who supports my existence in you
To all who come in contact with me
I wish you health and happiness
Allow me to introduce myself
I am RECOVERY from self-destruction
My mom brought this poem to my attention tonight and I wanted to share with you all.
Hello, I am your Disease
I Hate meetings…I Hate higher powers…I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That’s Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.
“You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” -Dr. Seuss
In honor of Dr. Suess’s Birthday, I thought to use one of the wise man’s quotes. Life is a Great Balancing Act. Do not let yourself forget this. You need to find your balance.
So I want to apologize for not posting yesterday and for the lack of substance in today’s post. I promise a huge amount of substance for the weekend.
So life happens and sometimes it requires all of your attention. Life can be a great distraction to help you get through the hard days.
I’m lying in bed right now. It’s 4:37am and I just had a bad dream. I don’t really remember the specifics, but it had something to do with the addict in my life using and my disappointment in them. There are so many things that contribute to moments like these.
Thought for Today: I no longer have to rescue the addict. I can let the addict assume responsibility for each consequence of his using. -Nat-Anon SHESH Book
So to date, I have only used my personal experiences to enhance the topics I have blogged about. I didn’t start this to journal but to share in the hopes of helping others. However, today you are being brought into my current life, which is definitely on topic. The addict in my life, my boyfriend, is in jail.
Have you ever thought, “I just don’t get how he/she could keep getting high when they know how much it messes up their life?” I have over and over again! Don’t get me wrong, I understood that addiction is a disease and that addicts don’t want to be addicts, but to me, it was all about cause and effect. If you give in and do drugs, you will most likely throw your life away. And if you don’t want that to happen, don’t do drugs, go to meetings, whatever! Just don’t use. Yeah, if it was that simple.
Thought for Today: “We might be tempted to help release the butterfly from her cocoon. It is human nature to want to assist, but if we do, she will fall to the ground and die; the struggle to free herself strengthens her wings enough to survive and fly.” – Eunice Brown, The Compassionate Friends Magazine, Feb-Mar 2006
Live and Let Live. Do you ever wish you had someone sitting next to you, telling you how to make all the major decisions in your life, controlling your most important life choices?? Yeah, me neither! If anything, I’m more of a control freak! But wouldn’t it be nice to put the responsibility of your very happiness on someone else’s shoulders?
Thought for Today: My Higher Power can restore my sanity, bring me serenity, and turn my sadness into joy. As I use the tools of Nar-Anon, I find new friends, do things for myself and get my life back. -Nar-Anon SHESH Book
Please read my Higher Power post to gain a better understanding.
Step 2: Came to believe that a power great than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This is tough…and step 3 is even tougher (Giving it to God), but what’s the alternative? Letting the actions or inactions of the addict drive us to insanity?? Yeah, that was me….CRAZY! Continue reading